Child Free Wednesday

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I'm tempted to write about Michael Jackson, but the media has taken care of it with vigor. Perhaps too much vigor? I feel like the Pope died.

But, I'm not going to get into it...there is too much coverage as it is...

Besides, I tend not to be a polarizing person unless I'm really vehement about something...like war...but I'm not going to get into that today either.

So, let's talk about being child free. (I think I was just stalling until something came into my head.) What does it mean to be child free? Well, sleeping in for one I suppose. Going wherever you want to go...having sex without locking the door...

My aunt wasn't able to have kids...she's 86 years old so we never had cousins on that side of the family. There was so much speculation about the the "consummation of the marriage"...good God, why in the world were we speculating about their sex life!

I talked to her at length after my own struggles were revealed. She told me that they tried but over the years there were so many obstacles (including the fact that a tree fell on her doctor and killed him...and that her husband had the mumps...and was in a head on collision) that it just didn't work. She worked all of her life, enjoyed her job and took care of her husband, which included cooking, cleaning and everything else on top of that job. But she was, and is, unfailingly happy. I think she got the Pollyanna gene...what happened to me??

She did mention was the occasional comments she would receive about being selfish from those people who thought she just wanted that money for herself...so that they could go on fabulous vacations, or buy a yacht, or booze it up! But I embellish... What did she tell them? That it was none of their business! In those days you got married, had kids, raised those kids, retired and died. (She also believes that the women's movement was the dumbest thing that ever happened. "There were good men out there who didn't know if they were coming or going!" I had to argue that point with her...but, she's 86...whaddaya gonna do?)

I have never felt that pressure to have kids. In fact, I never really thought about having kids when I was growing up, or in my 20's or even going into my 30's...until I got married. Little by little I started adding to the dream of adding to our little family until I had a solid vision of what that would be like. Perhaps that's the hardest thing of all...not the failure to conceive, but the death of the dream.

I have to laugh when I remember a family friend, in her 80's at the time, said, and I paraphrase, "What's takin' ya? By the time I was your age I had 32 children and 75 grandchildren!" She was married when she was very very young...if you couldn't tell. But that was the only real "pressure" I felt to have kids. Oh, and there were the women who found out how old I was when I was engaged and immediately went to their knees to pray for twins for me. Sigh.

I don't know how I feel right now. There's a big part of me that feels like I don't want the responsibility anymore. That we would be fine without...and then there is the occasional pang of want when I see an adorable, sweet child looking at me and smiling...and then they go home...

And there are those who absolutely know that they don't want to have kids. I think it's good to know what you want and don't want. And what you can and cannot handle.

I certainly don't feel shame about this...just the inkling of the dream that used to be...