Thursday

The Most Important Reviews Come From the Audience

Read what audiences have said about Journey to the Center of the Uterus

Kathleen’s delivery is pitch perfect – she’s funny, cathartic, poignant, spirited, illuminating, and did I mention funny? Journey approaches the challenges of human experience with humor and pathos. I feel so grateful to live in a city where an abundant talent like Kathleen’s can enliven an already rich theater scene. You don’t want to miss it.”
- Sara Medlin, Producer, PBS “Health Secrets: What Every Woman Should Know”

“As Lead Support Group of Pre-Adoption for Resolve, Chicago Chapter, I am happy to recommend all my members to her show. It talks in sensitive way about a very serious and difficult topic. Couples dealing with infertility will applaud her candid talk, but I also hope that other families will learn, and support their loved ones going through that difficult stage. Bravo to Kathleen for a fantastic show!“
- Gigi Olmstead, Lead Support Group, Resolve – Chicago Chapter

“A very sweet, funny & poignant tale of Kathleen’s first hand experience with infertility. She does a great job describing her journey through the entire process. Men will like this too! Not just for women… Many smiles and laughs with a few serious moments. Kathleen Puls is extremely talented!” 4 out of 4 stars.
- Goldstar Member Review

“AMAZING and FUNNY! My wife and I loved it. I admire [her] talent and courage.”
- Dr. Tarun Jain, Reproductive Endocrinologist

“I thought it was amazing. It kept my attention from beginning to end. The songs, stories and animation were all a great collaboration of telling the story. My expectations were greatly met and surpassed”
-Jessica Rogowski

“Anyone would enjoy it! The animations and songs are great, the after show discussion is very generous…many seemed so happy to share. It offers hope of feeling good one day.”–Kay Malek

“It was hilarious, and full of life. And everyone who has missed it should be sad sad sad and have bruised shins from kicking themselves. But I am SURE there will be more chances!”
-Nancy Sorenson

“I want to let THE WORLD KNOW that this is a truly funny, personal, and inspirational show. Theatergoers should take the time to reward themselves and see the show.”
- Carol Crandall

“Laughed and cried. This isn’t just for women and it’s not just for women with fertility problems. Kathleen is an excellent and creative performer who gives her all…check it out!” 4 out of 4 stars.
- Goldstar Member Review

“For those who have struggled with infertility, this show allows you to laugh (potentially through your tears) at the funny/ridiculous/absurd elements of the process, rather than focus only on the painful ones. But the show has wide appeal for anyone interested in understanding the process many people go through in pursuit of parenthood. And it's just funny, fun, intimate and laid back!” - JillK, Metromix

“What a delightful show! Kathleen is truly multi-talented. Great acting, wonderful singing! One performer, with a multimedia screen and lighting and sound effects, presents the audience with moments of incisive comedy and poignant drama involved in "adventures infertility". If you enjoy laughing out loud one moment and getting teary-eyed the next, see this show.” –Victor Corder, Metromix

Kathleen is incredibly genuine and brave. Especially loved the vocals and characters. Thank you. Your work made us laugh out loud, cry and see hope in spite of the obstacles. Thank you for doing this. –Amber Siler

“EXCELLENT. The show made me laugh and it made me cry. Journey to the Center of the Uterus is a brilliant and unique play about the topic of infertility and takes you on a humorous and sensitive trip through the real-life IVF experiences. Kathleen Puls gives an excellent performance that must be seen. Jeff Award material. Everyone should see this show!” 4 out of 4 stars.
- JGA, Goldstar Member Review

Monday

Another lazy Sunday yesterday. There are advantages to not having kids...you can entertain each other instead of having to deal with making sure your kids aren't tearing up the house with their boredom. I'm pretty content actually..even if there is still that niggling voice in the back of my head asking me to address the issue of the two remaining embryos.

I'm having a hard time with the idea of destroying them. After all, we went through a lot to get those embryos...including all of the IVF's, IUI's, drugs, hormones bla bla bla. Neither of us are very motivated to do anything about it. Once again, I brought it up and we talk about it but neither of us make the call. However, the donor agy lady says we need to do something about it because we keep revisiting the issue. She makes a good point.

Argh! I'm torn...

But, I'll let you know...

Sunday

Sunday

Sunday...kind of lazy, kind of productive. A little pizza here, a movie there...a nap with my husband. I'd have to say the perfect day.

It's been a while since I've written anything. I feel motivated to be creative but unmotivated to do anything about it. Kind of like our two embryos...I feel motivated to see what becomes of them but unmotivated to actually find someone to put them into.

It sounds like I'm whining, I know, but I think I'm really just stuck and trying to figure out what to do with all of this.

I just had a birthday which, of course, makes me think about all of the things I want to accomplish for myself before the next one. Over and over I've said that this is going to be my last fat birthday or fat Christmas but here I am again...fat. I want to finish my young adult sci-fi book but there it sits 128 pages in...Sigh. We talk about getting a surrogate but neither of us seems to be terribly serious about actually pursuing it. Well, in our defense, it is a lot of money.

And we are a little older now and there's a lot to consider. Our whole lives would change. Do I want to change it around that much? I like the way things are. And do we really want to be the old parents in the young Lamaze class? Honestly when I think about being an older parent I don't really care. Pep and I have a good sense of humor about such things. We can pretty much laugh about anything together which is one of the things I appreciate most about him.

A lot to think about...a lot to consider...

Maybe a few more blog posts to rev up the old...well, not that old...juices...

Wednesday

Last night I went to a women in film event as a guest of AFTRA/SAG and I have to say it was inspiring to see a lot of strong, fabulous women in my industry or associated with my industry talking about the industry...the film industry that is.

Nora Dunn was an awardee, Donna La Pietra and Diane Jackson were also awardees and it was great seeing their work and being more entertained than the typical corporate event.

Then, this morning I saw a reference to those struggling with infertility as "infertiles". I have to object to that label. We are so much more than our infertility or illnesses, or diseases or disorders. We are women who have myriad interests, desires, hopes, abilities... I often tell my relative who has schizophrenia that he isn't schizophrenic...he *has* schizophrenia. He is so much more than his mental illness...he's kind, compassionate, funny, brilliant and so much more.

Sometimes we just don't move beyond the labels of "moo" or "wannabe moo" or "infertiles". They keep us mired in what the label represents as opposed to what we really are which can be stressful in itself. I'm not saying it's easy to move beyond the labels but I do believe it's necessary to get to the core of ourselves so we can move beyond the frustration.

Monday

Moos

I learned something new last week. According to one child free forum, mothers are called moos and those who want to be mothers are called wannabe-moos. They had discovered my show and had an...interesting...conversation about it. At first, I confess, I reacted badly but when I looked at it again, one or two of the posters had interesting points I suppose. They had interpreted this blog to be whiny and dramatic. Apparently the humor and tongue in cheek attitude didn't shine through as I had hoped it would.

Let's take my aunt for instance...in the past I had commented on her perpetually positive outlook on life in general and her infertility specifically and wondered what happened to me (it's a running joke between me and my sisters) If they had heard me in person they would have detected the admiration in my voice when I talk about her. I admire her outlook and her ability to move forward and laugh about everything even when times are really tough. She puts a brave face on everything. When her husband died, she put on a brave face for all of us but I know that she was in pain underneath it. Just like when she didn't have kids. I'm sure there was pain about it but she couldn't dwell on it because she was busy trying to "keep him going" after the severe mumps and a head on collision that ruined his back. I interviewed her for the show and everyone who sees the show is struck by the message of "if it's not your calling, you have to live your life as it is."

So, anyway, as far as being a "moo" is concerned...if you want them, great, if you don't, that's great too. Who cares? It's a very personal decision and if you really want kids then it's a pretty difficult thing to realize that your body has failed you especially after all of your friends and family keep bringing up the expectation for you to be pregnant. Fortunately, that didn't happen to me. Most of my friends don't have kids so it actually makes things a lot easier for me to deal with. And, I'm pretty comfortable with the way things are...we love our dog, our nieces and our family so that's pretty cool with me. And, like I say in the show, maybe I don't want the responsibility anymore.

Don't get me wrong...it would have been nice to actually get pregnant and have a kid but it didn't happen. Infertility is an important part of who I am but by no means the most important thing. So, this "wannabe-moo" will have to live her life as it is.

Tuesday

Julie and Julia...Mainly Julia

What a wonderful anniversary...with a tinge of sadness. Five or more years ago, my husband and I started the journey to get pregnant. It was long, arduous, full of the ups and downs of hope and failures until we finally stopped because, well, it was time to stop.

What does this have to do with Julie and Julia...I never knew that Julia Child was unable to get pregnant. Like me, she married later, and like me, struggled with infertility. And, of course, in those days there were only rudimentary treatments and the stigma of not having children. Some would consider that selfish...that perhaps they wanted to keep all that money for themselves, or buy yachts, and booze it up...nothing could have been further from the truth.

There is a scene in the movie where she finds out that her sister is pregnant. She reads the letter and tries to put on a brave face but breaks down on her husband's shoulder. He reassures her in the stoic way that I'm sure most partners can manage. Perhaps there is a feeling of helplessness or fear of sharing feelings or...who knows? It was a terribly poignant moment for me as I knew exactly what she was experiencing at that time. We put on a brave face, the facade crumbles, we cry...and then...move on...because we must.

In Journey to the Center of the Uterus, I include an interview from an 86 year old woman who was also unable to have children. She happens to be my aunt. She has the most sunny disposition which makes my sisters and I often wonder what happened to us) and she tells her story with humor and truth with, perhaps, a tinge of regret since she feels as though her husband would have made a wonderful father.

I often wonder what will become of me as I get older. Will my nieces take care of me? Will I live with my sisters when I'm old? If I'm alone when I'm old, what will I do?

But, I think I will be strong, and will make the most of life and maybe help share my experiences with others who need guidance...

I guess I'll leave that up to...fate...

Thursday

I'm in LA with the smoke and the fires and the sister. Which is worse? Kidding! The air is filled with smoke which you can smell first thing in the morning. The show opens in 20 days and I'm reminded that I have to go thru the script and cut it down a little. I'm starting to get that actor's insecurity about the show and how funny it will be. Preview audiences love it so I think it's just me. Plus, the director/animator is getting frustrated at my flip flops. Not my feet...on whether or not it needs an intermission, cut songs, more songs...but it's all exciting and I'm learning as I go along.

Friday

So, I'm trying to figure out the best way to market the show and I think it's word of mouth advertising which is cheap and effective. Social media is good...

I want to find someone who actually produces theater so I can ask questions about how to ask for money which is something I'm really bad at. Perhaps that's one of the reasons the festival I did for women back in 2000 get as big as I'd like...although, truth be told, I wanted to move on to things that I wanted for my own acting career...it just took me a long time to get there.

I've always considered myself to be a late bloomer. I think that whatever success I get as an actor will come later in my life and perhaps there needs to be a purpose behind what I do as opposed to just being recognized and successful...something that helps other people...gives a different perspective to those who don't know...

I don't know. I think I'm just grasping at things to write about which is good...because interesting things come from grasping...

Cheers!

Thursday

Answer to the quiz!

OK, so I think that this blog listing site thinks that I'm a shill for another website. I am here to tell you that I am not a shill! So, if you want the source for my quiz query, let me know!

OK, no one answered the last quiz so, sadly, there are no winners. But, the answer to the question is "True". Abstaining from sex can affect a man's fertility. So, go at it all you men!

Here's something completely unrelated to fertility...

My dog gets all excited when anyone plays Wii! He goes after the person with the remote...it's not aggressive, but almost like herding behavior. In fact, he nipped my niece's ankle this week! Which she promptly blamed on her sister "making" the dog "bite" her. It didn't hurt mind you...and the truth is I'm glad she deflected the blame from the dog...I didn't want to scare her parents after all.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

Oh, and BTW, my new audio blog is up on fertilityauthority.com. Sign up is free so give a listen and tell me what you think!

Cheers!

Kathleen

Monday

I've been traveling so I haven't been able to post...but here is the latest quiz! Don't forget, the winner will receive on free ticket to the show!

Monday Quiz Day!

It's Monday Quiz Day...again! Very exciting. OK, today is all about male infertility. The answer will be revealed on Friday. Again, the winner will receive one free ticket to Journey to the Center of the Uterus: Adventures Infertility!

Here goes:

True or False?

Abstinence from sex for a few days or more can affect male fertility.

OK Quiz Kids, have at it!

Interesting that we don't really think of male fertility. In fact, I think that men get the shaft (so to speak) when it comes to support or attention to their issue.

I've been doing some audio interviews for fertilityauthority.com and the premiere interview is about Dave, who had dealt with testicular cancer in his 20's and was told that he would never have kids if he survived it. It was a pretty bad time for him, however, in his 30's, against all odds, he was able to donate his sperm and have twins through IVF. Very cool.

We just don't think enough about the struggles that our partners are going through. Many times they feel powerless to do help when we're in pain, or emotional, or on the downward slope of that roller coaster.

I would ask my husband how he felt and his response would be something along the lines of..."Fine. I'm fine. It's fine." But I knew there had to be more to it so I would try and pick a good time...a good time meaning one where we're both feeling good about the day...and ask him how he really feels.

I think that men feel like they have to protect their women...they have to be strong. I'm here to tell you that I wanted to know how he felt...so I could know I wasn't alone!

Friday

Answer Friday!

OK, Quiz Kids!

Thanks for all of the answers to the quiz.

Here is the answer to the Monday Quiz:

Which method below will help you to get pregnant?

A.) Taking Robitussin Cough Syrup before trying to conceive.

B.) Rubbing the belly of a pregnant woman.

C.) Lying with your feet over your head after sex.

D.) The Missionary position


E.) All of the above


F.) None of the above

According to eDoctoronline.com, the correct answer is D!

"There’s a better way to do it. While no sexual positions actually prevent you from getting pregnant, doing it the old-fashioned way can help. According to Felicia Stewart, M.D., of the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation, "No matter what the position, sperm can be found in the cervical canal within seconds after ejaculation. But still, it can’t hurt to get the sperm close to the cervix using positions that permit reasonably deep penetration, like the missionary [position]."

Sorry everyone...the Robitussin thing and the legs over the head thing are myths. I think I even tried the Robitussin but it didn't do much for moi.

So, since none of you were correct, I'll give the prize to the first person who answered...Kathy! Huzzah!

So...who knew that one of the most boring positions would be considered the most helpful in getting pregnant?

Of course for those dealing with infertility, this position can be maddeningly boring because we're doing it all the danged time!! There's little truth to the idea that trying to get pregnant is fun especially when it's not working month after month. Frustrations abound, we take the Robitussin because we've heard it thins the cervical mucus, we put our butts on pillows because we've heard that the sperm will swim faster, stronger...more bionically to the uterus...

Or maybe we are rubbing the bellies of pregnant women just to get some good...what do they call it? Baby dust? Of course, you'd better be careful about whose belly you rub...you may get a smack in the eye...and not from the mother!

So, the good ole Missionary Position...good for Missionaries...bad for the infertile...

Wednesday

Child Free Wednesday

For those of you who are just joining us, scroll down to the previous post and take the quiz!

I'm tempted to write about Michael Jackson, but the media has taken care of it with vigor. Perhaps too much vigor? I feel like the Pope died.

But, I'm not going to get into it...there is too much coverage as it is...

Besides, I tend not to be a polarizing person unless I'm really vehement about something...like war...but I'm not going to get into that today either.

So, let's talk about being child free. (I think I was just stalling until something came into my head.) What does it mean to be child free? Well, sleeping in for one I suppose. Going wherever you want to go...having sex without locking the door...

My aunt wasn't able to have kids...she's 86 years old so we never had cousins on that side of the family. There was so much speculation about the the "consummation of the marriage"...good God, why in the world were we speculating about their sex life!

I talked to her at length after my own struggles were revealed. She told me that they tried but over the years there were so many obstacles (including the fact that a tree fell on her doctor and killed him...and that her husband had the mumps...and was in a head on collision) that it just didn't work. She worked all of her life, enjoyed her job and took care of her husband, which included cooking, cleaning and everything else on top of that job. But she was, and is, unfailingly happy. I think she got the Pollyanna gene...what happened to me??

She did mention was the occasional comments she would receive about being selfish from those people who thought she just wanted that money for herself...so that they could go on fabulous vacations, or buy a yacht, or booze it up! But I embellish... What did she tell them? That it was none of their business! In those days you got married, had kids, raised those kids, retired and died. (She also believes that the women's movement was the dumbest thing that ever happened. "There were good men out there who didn't know if they were coming or going!" I had to argue that point with her...but, she's 86...whaddaya gonna do?)

I have never felt that pressure to have kids. In fact, I never really thought about having kids when I was growing up, or in my 20's or even going into my 30's...until I got married. Little by little I started adding to the dream of adding to our little family until I had a solid vision of what that would be like. Perhaps that's the hardest thing of all...not the failure to conceive, but the death of the dream.

I have to laugh when I remember a family friend, in her 80's at the time, said, and I paraphrase, "What's takin' ya? By the time I was your age I had 32 children and 75 grandchildren!" She was married when she was very very young...if you couldn't tell. But that was the only real "pressure" I felt to have kids. Oh, and there were the women who found out how old I was when I was engaged and immediately went to their knees to pray for twins for me. Sigh.

I don't know how I feel right now. There's a big part of me that feels like I don't want the responsibility anymore. That we would be fine without...and then there is the occasional pang of want when I see an adorable, sweet child looking at me and smiling...and then they go home...

And there are those who absolutely know that they don't want to have kids. I think it's good to know what you want and don't want. And what you can and cannot handle.

I certainly don't feel shame about this...just the inkling of the dream that used to be...

Monday

MONDAY QUIZ DAY! Quiz #1

Hi Everyone!

OK, it's Quiz Day Monday! From now on, I'll be posting the occasional quiz about infertility, fertility or just about something I feel like asking! Check back on Mondays for your pop quiz! All questions will be answered on the following Friday. Very exciting!

The first person to answer the quiz question correctly will get one free ticket to Journey to the Center of the Uterus: Adventures Infertility! Everyone can answer, regardless of where you live.

OK, granted it's showing in Chicago, but if you know a friend in Chicago, feel free to give it to him/her. OR! You never know...I could be coming to your area in the future. (Blatant Plug Alert: See my website to book the show: www.journeytothecenteroftheuterus.com)

OK, first Monday quiz!

Which method below will help you to get pregnant?

A.) Taking Robitussin Cough Syrup before trying to conceive.

B.) Rubbing the belly of a pregnant woman.

C.) Lying with your feet over your head after sex.


D.) The Missionary position


E.) All of the above


F.) None of the above


Good Luck! The answer to come on Friday.

So cheers for now and remember to find the funny in the journey...

Different forms of infertility

So, I just got an email from a pregnant friend of mine. I'm very happy for them. Really. I think I have enough distance from this whole thing to be happy for someone without getting that pang of want. The pang, I think, is a little more muted now.

My friend is struggling though...she is constantly battling her bad health and chronic illnesses which have landed her in the hospital and on steroids. She's struggling...but amazingly funny about it! I think that's how we actor/improvisers deal with heartache and fear...

"Just have to remember to keep my now 2 chins up!"

I'm quite sure she and her husband are afraid and dealing with it with humor and laughter to the world but privately...well, knowing them they are dealing with it with humor and laughter and perhaps a few tears.

But this makes me think that there is more than one kind of infertility. She believes that this will be the only bio child that they will have since she's been so sick for the whole pregnancy and can't risk it again. Sort of like secondary infertility I suppose. So, we think of something supportive to say without sounding like an idiot or a boor. Avoiding the "at least you have one child. be happy with what you have" kind of statements. Sigh.

We just don't know what really goes on in the lives of others...

Well, cheers for now. Find the funny in whatever your struggle is!

Oh, and I think I'm going to start a quiz! Winners will receive either free or discounted tickets to the show! And if you don't live in Chicago, or wherever it may tour, then feel free to give it to someone you know!

Cheers!

Thursday

The Silly Things People Say

I'm an open book when it comes to my own infertility journey and my husband and I managed to find a lot of humor in our situation which is why I wrote the show, Journey to the Center of the Uterus: Adventures Infertility! I wanted to give others a little relief from the crazy infertility roller coaster and give others who are unfamiliar with the ride a little perspective.

One of the things I've been collecting are the silly things that well meaning people say to those dealing with infertility. I can now see why couples are hesitant to tell people about their struggle. I know that these people...or at least most of these people mean well but...come on!

I'll give you an example: I told one of my actor colleagues that I had to take off work and she told me that her sister in law had gone through IVF. I asked her if it worked (as we IVF'ers usually do) and she said "Noooo...she ended up going crazy and divorcing my brother."

I exaggerate...but that's what I heard in my head! Why bother telling me at all?

But, maybe it's a good thing to hear. Keeps one realistic I suppose.

Or there are the people who are told they'd get pregnant if they weren't so fat, or get a dog and you'll get pregnant, or the worst one of all...

RELAX!

Ack! I swore if I ever heard that one I'd permanently relax that person...but, I had to remember, they really didn't know what the journey was like and, frankly, neither did I so I listened to every word...until I knew better.

This has become an element in the show thanks to the marvelously humorous song created by Marshall Stern called The Stupid Things People Say. Of course, that's along with The Hoo Ha Highway...a hilarious song about...well, the hoo ha...which we women know intimately well.

One of the things I don't know is what men hear from those "well meaning" people. I suspect their virility is questioned or the ability to please their partner is discussed.

Let me know if you've heard anything.

And remember, there is funny in this journey...you just have to look for it...

Cheers for now!

Kathleen

Welcome!

Welcome to Journey to the Center of the Uterus (TM)...a new blog based on my journey through infertility and giving birth to a new solo show by the same name.

Comments are welcome! I only ask you to keep them clean.

You can also check out my audio blog on FertilityAuthority.com. The first post to that blog is taken directly from my show which premieres in Sept in Chicago.

More to come!