What a wonderful anniversary...with a tinge of sadness. Five or more years ago, my husband and I started the journey to get pregnant. It was long, arduous, full of the ups and downs of hope and failures until we finally stopped because, well, it was time to stop.
What does this have to do with Julie and Julia...I never knew that Julia Child was unable to get pregnant. Like me, she married later, and like me, struggled with infertility. And, of course, in those days there were only rudimentary treatments and the stigma of not having children. Some would consider that selfish...that perhaps they wanted to keep all that money for themselves, or buy yachts, and booze it up...nothing could have been further from the truth.
There is a scene in the movie where she finds out that her sister is pregnant. She reads the letter and tries to put on a brave face but breaks down on her husband's shoulder. He reassures her in the stoic way that I'm sure most partners can manage. Perhaps there is a feeling of helplessness or fear of sharing feelings or...who knows? It was a terribly poignant moment for me as I knew exactly what she was experiencing at that time. We put on a brave face, the facade crumbles, we cry...and then...move on...because we must.
In Journey to the Center of the Uterus, I include an interview from an 86 year old woman who was also unable to have children. She happens to be my aunt. She has the most sunny disposition which makes my sisters and I often wonder what happened to us) and she tells her story with humor and truth with, perhaps, a tinge of regret since she feels as though her husband would have made a wonderful father.
I often wonder what will become of me as I get older. Will my nieces take care of me? Will I live with my sisters when I'm old? If I'm alone when I'm old, what will I do?
But, I think I will be strong, and will make the most of life and maybe help share my experiences with others who need guidance...
I guess I'll leave that up to...fate...
Thursday
I'm in LA with the smoke and the fires and the sister. Which is worse? Kidding! The air is filled with smoke which you can smell first thing in the morning. The show opens in 20 days and I'm reminded that I have to go thru the script and cut it down a little. I'm starting to get that actor's insecurity about the show and how funny it will be. Preview audiences love it so I think it's just me. Plus, the director/animator is getting frustrated at my flip flops. Not my feet...on whether or not it needs an intermission, cut songs, more songs...but it's all exciting and I'm learning as I go along.
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